To Crum Bay / And My Horoscope For Tomorrow*

I went to work this morning. It is pretty hard work. I guess thats the only type of work I've ever known how to do though. And after another day in the Jungle, I came home hurting, feeling tired, exhausted, and soar. I have no pain medication and my back has got a lot of knots in it. It is very stiff, soar, and wrecked. So after running a chainsaw in the Jungle at close to 100 degree weather, I went home and slept. I missed dinner. That pissed me off a little. So I walked into the island on foot to get some food. Things happened...

As I grabbed my IPOD, I just listened to one song repeatedly: Be Quite and Drive (By the Deftones). I thought about what a brother told me last night....

He said, "You're a hater-blocker."

"What does that mean?"

"Your a hater-blocker. I can tell that there is something about you that exerts an energy or presence that doesn't allow anyone in unless they are genuine people. You see through a lot of those that aren't worth being around."

"Wow man, thanks. I haven't heard someone tell me that before. I appreciate it a lot."

After I ate at the only place open at this time of night, it was a chinese restaurant I got sweet and sour shit at, I went to head back to campus where I live now. I stopped listening to that song on the way back... I put it on random. As I was heading home, I decided to walk to CRUM BAY for the first time by myself. However, I was lost. I was lost, I was sad, I was weary, I was uneasy, I was broken. I didn't know where to get any help from. It was night, there was a lack of street lights, and so I walked through darkness by myself and I meant to find this place that is of my own name. These were the songs my IPOD chose on it's own:

From Yesterday : 30 Second to Mars
Lightning Crashes : LIVE

As I was listening to Lightning Crashes, I couldn't help but let tears fall down my face as they came up out of my eyes. No one knew this though. I wasn't with anyone as I walking to and from CRUM BAY. All I had was my IPOD. I was a wreck. I missed my friend so much that I couldn't control how emotional I felt. So It continued to play songs such as...

The Noose : A Perfect Circle
Mr. Jones : Counting Crows

Then it played 'Broken' by Lifehouse. But I heard only a minute of it then I turned it off. I told myself, "I like the other Broken song by Seether and Amy Lee." Then my IPOD played :

Broken : Seether
Dance With You : LIVE

I usually don't listen to this song much but at that time, I did. I chose to listen to it for myself. I heard certain lyrics in it that I never knew of before. Somehow it hit close to home for me (as an individual). It reminded me of her and the sweet memories we made before I came to this place. The desire and my feelings for her were amplified because of that old saying: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Then my IPOD played:

Unwell : Matchbox 20
Evidence : Marilyn Manson
Push : Matchbox 20

By this time I was home now. And as I am here, I am still very tired, down, soar, and discouraged. So I looked at my horoscope for tomorrow.

My Horoscope for September 28th, 2009

The Moon enters your 7th House of Partnerships for a two-day visit, shifting your attention from personal development to those closest to you. You truly want to be there for someone who needs you today, but simultaneously you may resent it that others don't assist you with the same level of commitment that you show for them. There's no need to compare yourself to anyone else; don't jump in to help unless it comes straight from your heart.

There was so much I wished to say. That she was the only person I had such tropical adventures in mind for. But after seeing her surrender and feeling her happiness, I knew I could be who I truly am around her and that is a blessing. So through my eyes, she became larger than life. And its ME that is who is HERE.