To Crum Bay / And My Horoscope For Tomorrow*

I went to work this morning. It is pretty hard work. I guess thats the only type of work I've ever known how to do though. And after another day in the Jungle, I came home hurting, feeling tired, exhausted, and soar. I have no pain medication and my back has got a lot of knots in it. It is very stiff, soar, and wrecked. So after running a chainsaw in the Jungle at close to 100 degree weather, I went home and slept. I missed dinner. That pissed me off a little. So I walked into the island on foot to get some food. Things happened...

As I grabbed my IPOD, I just listened to one song repeatedly: Be Quite and Drive (By the Deftones). I thought about what a brother told me last night....

He said, "You're a hater-blocker."

"What does that mean?"

"Your a hater-blocker. I can tell that there is something about you that exerts an energy or presence that doesn't allow anyone in unless they are genuine people. You see through a lot of those that aren't worth being around."

"Wow man, thanks. I haven't heard someone tell me that before. I appreciate it a lot."

After I ate at the only place open at this time of night, it was a chinese restaurant I got sweet and sour shit at, I went to head back to campus where I live now. I stopped listening to that song on the way back... I put it on random. As I was heading home, I decided to walk to CRUM BAY for the first time by myself. However, I was lost. I was lost, I was sad, I was weary, I was uneasy, I was broken. I didn't know where to get any help from. It was night, there was a lack of street lights, and so I walked through darkness by myself and I meant to find this place that is of my own name. These were the songs my IPOD chose on it's own:

From Yesterday : 30 Second to Mars
Lightning Crashes : LIVE

As I was listening to Lightning Crashes, I couldn't help but let tears fall down my face as they came up out of my eyes. No one knew this though. I wasn't with anyone as I walking to and from CRUM BAY. All I had was my IPOD. I was a wreck. I missed my friend so much that I couldn't control how emotional I felt. So It continued to play songs such as...

The Noose : A Perfect Circle
Mr. Jones : Counting Crows

Then it played 'Broken' by Lifehouse. But I heard only a minute of it then I turned it off. I told myself, "I like the other Broken song by Seether and Amy Lee." Then my IPOD played :

Broken : Seether
Dance With You : LIVE

I usually don't listen to this song much but at that time, I did. I chose to listen to it for myself. I heard certain lyrics in it that I never knew of before. Somehow it hit close to home for me (as an individual). It reminded me of her and the sweet memories we made before I came to this place. The desire and my feelings for her were amplified because of that old saying: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Then my IPOD played:

Unwell : Matchbox 20
Evidence : Marilyn Manson
Push : Matchbox 20

By this time I was home now. And as I am here, I am still very tired, down, soar, and discouraged. So I looked at my horoscope for tomorrow.

My Horoscope for September 28th, 2009

The Moon enters your 7th House of Partnerships for a two-day visit, shifting your attention from personal development to those closest to you. You truly want to be there for someone who needs you today, but simultaneously you may resent it that others don't assist you with the same level of commitment that you show for them. There's no need to compare yourself to anyone else; don't jump in to help unless it comes straight from your heart.

There was so much I wished to say. That she was the only person I had such tropical adventures in mind for. But after seeing her surrender and feeling her happiness, I knew I could be who I truly am around her and that is a blessing. So through my eyes, she became larger than life. And its ME that is who is HERE.

It Was WYLD...

I had one of the most Wyld and Wonderful nights in my life. Every moment, minute, hour, and event went from one thing to the next and it was all some of the craziest, most hilarious times I've had here. My psychologist told me I would have the time of my life and she was right. I found out that in Oregon, the West Coast, Bandon, and Ashland; It is like the Wizard of Oz on the Yellow Brick Road. But here in the Virgin Islands, it is the REDHOOK Road. See, the Yellow Brick Road is to HOME. As for the REDHOOK road, 'No One Knows.' The roads on these islands don't have names. And people here never obey traffic laws anyway. It is a lot like island anarchy. I find it to be quite crazy. Before the night really began, we were on our way to the other side of the island and I met some friends of a friend. Lou from Philadelphia and David from Columbia. Columbia is in South America. So be began to tell me about Brazilian woman. I was kind of shocked and didn't say anything but I remember EVERY description he gave them. For each part of what they are like; Physically and Socially. I was kinda struck because it was coincidental or ironic to me. Then I showed Lou the Mummer's Dance, which is an Irish song because she spoke to me about all of that after noticin' my shirt. I thought it was crazy because apparently there is a Mummer in Philadelphia. What a trip.

I went into a Sweet at the beach. I won't say which one~ Actually. It was Sapphire Beach :) And I met people who knew me though I never knew if I would see them again. It turned out his name was Josh. He was in my UVI NITE LIFE Part I video and I found out that people in Missouri and South Carolina were watchin' youtube and saw me and him in it. Josh was like, "Man, I thought you wanted to box me. I watched that and you look like you wanted to beat my ass." I was like , "Oh my God! Your the one who was in that Night Diary on the 14th huh?! That was a week after I was gone from Home." : )

"Yeah man, my family and friends back at home who haven't seen me in years saw that in the internet and they all said, 'He looked like he was gonna beat your ass,' and I watched it and man..."

I cut him off cause it all clicked, "Oh you mean when I looked left? Nah Man!! Hahaha, nah, I was just lookin' out and away cause I thought to myself, 'What this cat talkin' bout?' and man, I just needed a moment to myself, thats all. I'm a pacifist. I didn't mean to seem hostile if I did. Its all good."

And so as the night went on, I found a big badass bottle of RUM that was as tall as a Yard Statue. I came to find that I was really comfortable having met these people. I also met Stephanie. She was from Chicago and she was re-enacting a story that made me feel like I was skippin' dimensions. I ended up busting a bottle on the tile and I picked it up and sliced my hand pretty good. I bled all over the floor. The word of the night between me and Mera was, "Focus."

So I hear about a crazy description of Brazilian women. Then I go to Sapphire. My brother Mera noticed how bewildered I was from the coincidences.

I saw overviews of exotic street life and night lit bays on the other side of the water. It was cool, gorgeous, subtle, safe-haven safari. The cats trip me out though. Damn near ALL THE TIME. As the night went on, we were gonna go to the clubs but we headed up the mountain. We came across a more discreet bar above a lot of ground and this place was awesome. There was no food though and that bothered me. We got to the parking lot and I was very tuned already tellin' a buncha Irish stories to my brothers, the only ones I trust on this weird-ass island. Then one said to the other after I was talkin' for about 3/4 minutes... "Yeah, Johnny, you right man... You really were."

Johnny says, "Told ya. I told ya man."

"What are you guys right about? Did I come in that conversation at the last half?" I didn't know what was goin' on.

King Mera was like, "Last time we hung with you, he said you always rhyme when you talk and tell it like that. You don't even realize it either."

I replied like, "You know what, your not the only person who tells me that. I can't remember what I said but I wasn't payin' attention."


A lot of this shit was crazy to me. I was at the counter and just takin' it easy and some other Irish guy came up to me but I took space from him because he was about 2 notches too much for me at the time. He asked who I was and how I knew who I came there with.

"How do I know HIM? For good."

He asked where I'm from, Why I'm here, and What I do. He asked what my classes were. I told him I have 3 History Courses from Caribbean, to World Civilization, and Transatlantic Conquests. I told him I also have a Poetry and Literature Class. And that I'm a Certified Scuba Diver. As soon as I said 'Scuba Diver.' He said, "Yeah, Underwater Explorations." He asked who my instructor was. And I found out that My Scuba instructor has one of the Highest Regards for one of the best Marine Biology Programs in the World. And that I be 'barkin' up the right tree' by staying with him. Little did this drunk, amped-up Irish guy know, I actually run machines, machetes, and chainsaws for the person he was talkin' about. It was such a small world. I was the one tearin' up the Jungle of the person we were talkin' of. And this drunk Irish lad was from Shipwreck and he kept askin' me if I was the 'New Guy' because he heard about some of the videos, books, and other things I do I guess. Then he says, "Are you a small diver? A deep diver?"

I said, "A NEWER Diver. How are YOU diver?" He was kinda sweatin' me though. I guess me, him, and King Mera had a big group hug. There were pictures and spectators and I was just tryin' to relax.

It turns out, the owner of the Bar was giving free drinks. She took her resume to these Islands and was brought in to the restaurants here in St. Thomas. It's easy for beautiful women to acquire work like that at a place like this. Sometimes it is just unsafe, and unpredictable here.

I had one of the tightest, most wonderful and energetic nights of my life. I couldn't even think I'da been able imagine shit like this even when I had a more fictional imagination when I was a kid. This place is SUCH an adventure. And I'm IN.

REDHOOK ROAD****

Someone Met Me and Gave Me a New Name...

She said, "What is your name?"

I said, "Crum, or Justin. Which ever one your more comfortable with."

"You look like a Caleb."

"A Caleb? What does that mean?"

"I don't know, it just sounds like a name you look like."

After this, I had wondered the meaning of the name. So I looked up what it was and it was originally Hebrew, and means "Rage Like a Dog." I thought that was fascinating.


Then later on, me and my room mate Nick went to the snack bar. Vernal, the Lunch Lady, she saw us both there and before we had a conversation that was kind of funny, I was already bustin' up laughin hard because before hand... I just went in to look at the food and someone who has never seen me for more than 5 seconds or minutes asked me out of no where, "Are you Irish?"

"Huh?" : ) "What makes you ask me that? Hahaha."

She seen me and believed I was Irish and she has never seen me before. I was like, "Ain't that Some Shit?" My room mate saw the whole thing. Then because I was chucklin'. Vernel asked us where we were from. Me and my room mate Nick described a lot of hilarious times. She said, "You both got beautiful eyes. Which one of you are naughty?" (She didn't mean it like that or in any implying way, it was more so asking about something like 'Edge' I guess. It was just informal and probably relative to party things.)

I looked at Nick. He looked at me. I said, "That one is me." And somehow, after a few moments, it was said that Nick snores. And nick was like, "I snore but HE yells."

I'm like, "Yeah, I talk humorous shit in my sleep sometimes."

Nick HAD to tell it true too so he did, "He sounds loud and very clear." Then he explained how I once started yelling about Giant Butterflies."

"Yeah, I had a dream about Giant Butterflies here once."

Nick started laughin' cuz it's true. Nick is a good kid and he is smart with science and pharmacy.

The whole Snack Bar night here was cool. I started laughin' and relaxin' when someone who never knew me asked if I was Irish. And that was BEFORE they saw the Cross of Scriptures Shirt on my Chest. I just took it as a coincidence or maybe something more. Then to hear this same thing about eyes that a lot of people put in my year books years ago... It was just crazy.

And to have someone else ask me my name and then say I look like a man with the name 'Caleb.' As I found out what that meant in the internet... That was kind of interesting.

A Quest for a Certain book~

I Wanted to find Huxley. I wanted to find 'Brave New World.'

Huxley said, "There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self."

See, I found out that this book isn't about changing the world, it is about changing yourself FOR the world. Someone who wished to do so realized at one point or another, that changing yourself is more essential. I told my professors that sounds no different than what Gandi said when he encouraged people to, "Be the change they wish to see in the world."

I realized Huxley and Gandi mighta had something in common in a way. So I looked and seen the titles of the other books Huxley has wrote. I only noticed one of them I can remember like yesterday. It was the work before 'Brave New World.' Brave New World was what he became renown for. But the book that was previous to this was called, The Genuineness and the Goddess.' What a trip.

And They Said...

...A lot that brought good thoughts to mind. There was my homeboy Joe from Orlando. And Eustacia. And the lunch lady. They all had such interesting things to say to me.

My homeboy Joe, he is at Orlando right now. He went to see his girl for 10 days. Before he began his flights, he asked me if I'd be down to go to the beach. We sat in the sand and reminisced about a lot of things. The sand was white and hot. The sky was clear. He told me he was a few hours from flyin' to his girl. It turns out, his girl is gonna take him on a cruise for thanksgiving. I told him I was happy for him. He is probably gonna visit me at some point back in the west after all these Caribbean dreams take there course. I found it pretty life-enticing that him and his girl found a way to abandon the Real World for a bit and enjoy fantasy for a while. We were about ready to leave soon though after we were in the clouds. I wanted to swim. I went into the shore and couldn't stop opening my eyes to what I saw underneath the water. It is very mind-blowing how I can feel water that is just as hot as the air and that I can see beneath it all and watch a lot of Sun rays shine through the aqua. It is incredibly gorgeous.

Later that night, I went to the snack bar to get some coffee. The lunch lady who is a woman that assists the University for structured services, she saw me again and asked some subtle questions. She asked me what I study and what classes I have and if I am going to be here another semester or not. I told her that is what has been on my mind for a lot of reasons lately. And that it kinda plagues me. I told her I am studying three different History courses about the Caribbean and how these Virgin Islands came to be what they are today. She asked me of my major of course. I told her I do Video Production, Media, Music, and Internet Books. Mainly things that are pertaining to creative or expressive things because I have felt, learned, lived, and experienced a lot and to bring out what is within became very rewarding for me personally.

She said, "If you don't mind me asking, you seem very mature for your age. How old are you?"

"I'm 26. I just turned 26 a month ago. And it's been 5 months today since I had almost passed on after a near-death experience. What makes you say or ask that though?"

She said, "I have noticed you and you seem very calm and strong. And your a very great speaker. I kinda sensed that you were further ahead of your age and I noticed your beard and you appear older than your youth."

I thanked her because I have always appreciated it when people were honest or encouraging. I was humble in hearing such a thing but it made me feel good.

Later that night, I really felt myself start to change more because as I interact with so many new people, they ARE NOT LIKE the women at home. The actually are attentive and sincere instead of being fickle or distant or indifferent. I told Joe the same thing too. He said, "Yeah man, people in the States won't even look at you twice. They won't say hi or be consistent in greeting and seeing you. They just pass you by."

I was like, "Tell me about it man." : )

And Eustacia, my brother Ray's girlfriend, as I met her, she seemed very nice and sweet to me. She let her cell phone calls go so she could kick it for a bit and continue to listen to me because she seemed to enjoy doing so. She is a cool friend. It's nice to have someone to hang out with who is chill enough to not worry about silly things. She seen my tattoo as a lot of people have here and she asked me about it.

"It is a song and a symbol about being over-looked or disregarded I guess. The center is the song, the perimeter is the symbol. Do you want to hear what it is? I have my IPOD with me."

"Sure, that sounds cool."

I showed her this song and people here do not know who A Perfect Circle is and my type of music is unheard of which makes it really rare and interesting to them. She heard this song 3 Libras and thought is was amazing that I would put something like over my chest. I told her, "I guess I might have my reasons." This was under street lights and tropical trees close to the badass library here. I showed her other Perfect Circle songs like: Thinking of You, Magdelena, Pet, Weak and Powerless...

I was also explaining what they meant or were about and apparently it was pretty entertaining. The song Thinking of You is probably one of the most sexy songs I have ever heard but no one knows why. I do. : ) And the Magdelena song is actually about a Goddess Maynard found in a Strip Club.

I came to find that the meaning of Eustacia's name meant, "Fruitful." I thought that was cool.

These Days...

I got to talk to my Brother Gary back and home and that really helped me here but I've still been having such a badass blast lately. I can't believe how constantly remarkable things are here. Every moment, hour and day is of it's own awesome constant.

Today I went and caught up with my professor Sekou at his office for the first time. I seen his library and told him about mine and it dawned on me that I can talk to professors and they learn just as much from me.. The Chakras, the ways the stars relate with what is carried out on Earth, the things people see and sense of me here, things of astrology, sociology... I found about about the Aztecs and Mayans and how the pyramids the Mayans made were just as related with the constellations as the Egyptians when they had made the pyramids along the Nile in correlation with how the Orions Belt reflects it next to the Milky Way. It was pretty cool. I told them about Stonehenge and Celtic Events over these recent 3 millenniums. Things of Legend, Magic, Ancient Animals... It was TIGHT. They all looked at me and enjoyed listening. Some times when I'm heard it is easy to see that I usually have a very gentle voice even though certain words seem strong, or serious.

I showed Sekou the relations with The Book of Revelations to what is happening in the world now. About the Statue of Liberty written in Revelations, about what was released to deceive the Nations (which has to do with these wars and worldly emergencies surfacing). I told him about the New World Order and how its attempt will make every one forced towards what a particular scripture talks about. It is crazy how the Last book in the Bible is the only book of the Bible that talks about the present point in time as well as the future. People don't realize that at times, that book is quite literally clear with some of what was written in the 1st to 5th century that is coming true NOW. The Book itself is written from a dream language but even still, some things are very easy to interpret if you would know how to. I told him about Zeitgeist and how I contradicted and challenged the person who gave involvements with the first section pertaining to Religion. That film literally had the world watching 70% of all internet views and it damn near got passed as an international holiday called "Z" day. Even though she was conducting seminars across this country, when it came to what the movie claimed about things that were astrological, I countered her lectures because I knew certain things to be true about Astrology that she failed to mention. I didn't like her misinforming these students just to strengthen what the movie claimed. Trying to use Astrology to denounce that Jesus wasn't even here when Astrology actually VALIDATES things because every 2000 years, an astrological era is the duration when a messiah is to surface again. But like C.S. Lewis said in Narnia, Aslan told Lucy, "Nothing happens the same way twice, my dear."

I also spoke of how certain questions in that powerful film that was across the globe were things I could've answered in the Auditorium. How certain books of the 1st and 5th century were hidden from humanity until 16 centuries later. After 1600 years, a great amount of the books that were excluded from the New and Old testament revealed themselves to humanity in 1945. She didn't like it at this lecture in the Meese auditorium when I was asking her questions she seemed baffled about. It was pretty interesting to see a world wide documentary success that I was countering because of what I knew.

After telling Sekou these things, I told him to watch End Game and Apacalypto. It turns out, he wants me to help him decide what way the last day here will play out. I gave him the ideas of what movies he would want the students to see. I guess I could speak of history forever. And the future forever. I could talk about Astrology, Tupac, Michael Collins, Ireland, Marilyn Manson, the way the Bible came to be, how God came and found me, how I found him a year later. I told him of things with Hilter and Machiavelli, Mayans, The Vatican, Alexandria where the world's largest library once was before it sank into an Ultimate Ocean and lost a lot of the Ancient World's Records.

Sekou kept smiled at me. I spoke to him about how I'm Native American and for that reason, I often see things in the Dream World that are accurate to what is... Subliminal with realities events. He sensed that I would really like Carl Jung. I told him, "Hell Yeah I do." I already knew who Carl Jung was regarding his psychology work that is specifically related to dreams. I told him things about Atlantis and how even though humans believe it to be a lost civilization, I knew of things, possibilities I guess, regarding how ancient records of that Surreal and Ideal Zeal might still be in tact within future years from here. And the Sphinx has a lot to do with it. Perhaps the tomb of the Sphinx holds answers we don't know yet and the world is about to reset itself.

Later in the Evening, I went to the Radio World in the Virgin Islands. It actually is RIGHT NEXT TO CRUM BAY!! :) It seems I became involved in a Writer's Block. I got brought to this V.I. Radio Station after the Open Mic Night here in St. Thomas. It seems that creativity and self-expression are values and talents that are exalted here. The man who ran the show with me and will continue to run future shows with me here out of the V.I. Radio World, he told me that it isn't only honored or appreciated here, but that poetry, creativity, and self-expression is NECESSARY. They thanked me for coming and I was having a blast and making they asses laugh. With my radio shows at home, it was an internet stream. This station and radio company actually has a really wide audience in live airwaves as well an internet streams. I remember some of the contributions I made...



"I'm in Ireland at them badass Castles,
Dispisin' Meatheads mistreatin' women like they assholes.
Living proof of what could come true since when I turned my tassels,
I am who I is cuz of all of what I have to hold."

"After Irish Castles, left baffled and then passed off as a myth /
It's unknown and it's at home with all the Celtic Irish gifts.
Got Guinness language as it came to this /
And then I made it clear.
I got whiskey if you with me, and the Celtic Beers."

"I live forever then I know it /
I record it then upload it.
In Mechanical Channels, I Felt my heart when it exploded.

Then my minds in a vice but its outside of the box /
Lost in the thoughts I'm locked in the paradox
They hangin' in the balance between the virtues of fear and love
Energies and intuitions to pray to whats above.
Paradise is priceless but it isn't what it seems /
People couldn't see the sick under-belly under TV screens.
There is evil anarchy in the islands, and fantasy in the air.
I oughta be commended if I acknowledge that I care."

The man runnin' the show with me was like, "Damn, that's divine. Yea MON."

And they had callers that called into the Station and went on the air with us. It was pretty badass.

"I spoke of how I lost my mind /
its down the center of my spine.
To tower over power at the ending of time.
And for as huge as a heart can be /
a tattoo scarred as a part of me
There is a lot worth seein' and even more worth believin'
I got lost in the magic as I had it last season."


And apparently some free spoken poetry words were called in from people listening on these islands. His name was SAMBA! : ) He started to serenade a lady that made him crazy. He got pretty descriptive and passionate about his restless affectionate sex letters so he spoke of some shit that was SO Scorpio. And it was Lion as hell as well. So It triggered me on behalf of the writing community to do descriptive intimate poetry too. I guess I talked about nurses and services and skirts and flirts. I dunno. It was fun, funny, and entertaining though. St. Thomas loved it.

I came to find that next day, that we actually drove by CRUM Bay that night we went right by it to the Radio Station. I had never known so but I am aware of where that Bay is at now. I'm going to see it soon. It was basically a Bay that was a Port for the POWER of what generates this Island. I think it is very ironic and symbolic that a CRUM BAY is what is the POWER SOURCE for the island here. HOW DOES THAT INTERPRET ITSELF IF ALL THIS WAS MEANT TO BE AS IT IS HAPPENIN'?

They took pictures for the Writer's Block of free expression and creative contributions. I never knew I would've been involved in the World of Radio through Writing Communities of Open Mic Night.

I got back to Campus and a lot of people heard about how I went on radio and asked me what it was like and how it was. I told them it was awesome and fun. It was a badass blast to speak over airwaves about a lot of what's going on with me. I guess one connection lead to the other and it was all at my lap just cuz I showed up and never got cold feet of what they believed with me.



It kind of reminded me of my ex in a way because even though she never knew it, she was the second person who told me that she believed in me. It meant so much to me because the only other person to tell me the same exact thing was a beautiful orphan friend of mine that died young in a cruel world. Joel. As she passed on, I was 18 years old and before she died, she gave me a gift for my birthday that was a cat looking into a mirror and seeing a Lion. It held a vital lifelong message I'll always keep with me, "What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself." She gave me that, died, and told me she believed in me before she went to the other side. My ex was the second and only other person to ever say the same thing she did.

But now that I'm here and everyday is epic, laughter, constant curious interests that seem to be aimed at me from these people... Now it is THEM that are encouraging me in a way that acknowledges positive beliefs OF me... Or IN me... It was inspiring. Especially from the right people. Then before night came to an end, I was kicking it with three of my friends. One was a homeboy here in my resident sweet, another was the other buddy that has had that hardest laugh attacks at me. They think I'm the most hilarious and lively man they met yet. I started to speak of Tupac, and what I think of most other rap.

And after all of what I knew about 2Pac and how he visited me a few times, Rasheed like, "Damn Crum, you should give lectures about Tupac man. How old are you? And how you know so much shit?"

It was cool because St. Daniel in Ireland said some of the same things only a little more than a month ago.

I uploaded my newest youtube video and it gave a text credit to what I learned from King Mera, "Everything Happens for a Reason. Everything has it's time. Everything goes as it should and all things will be of their time and place."

I was basically living another life to to discover the ideal place for a futuristic honeymoon with someone who reminds me of these erotic tropic islands. Beautiful Virgo. I put that caption king Mera told me in the video that is meant show what it means to be here. I thought it was crazy for Mera to say such a thing at a place where there were pirates and Dr. Suess characters. The island Anarchy and hardship regarding lack of economy or job markets forces people to do weird things for money here. I almost had to handle something painful or possibly fatal. No one at home knows this though... Danger could be a rush sometimes.